There are certain words in the English language that activate me, especially the word victim. It seems so disempowering and certainly not a role I would consciously choose to live in my life. As a strong, independent woman, never in my wildest dreams did I consider the possibility that I was running my own unconscious program of victim mentality. Turns out we all are. That's how we've all been programmed.
In recent years I began to notice a strong theme weaved into my life story. That theme was drama, drama and more drama. Why was everything so dramatic, from my experiences to my emotions and reactions? That was my life, never a dull moment and my uncomfortable comfort zone. I've since learned my neurochemical baseline habituated to those adrenalin rushes, those highs and those lows. My life was a rollercoaster and it made me feel alive. I began to notice, in the absence of drama, I felt increased boredom and anxiety. It had become my love-hate relationship with reality.
When I discovered and read the brilliant book, “The Power of TED, The Empowerment Dynamic” by David Emerald, it felt like I was physically punched in the stomach. We can adapt and acclimate our baseline to so much discomfort, pain and abuse yet not realise what's going on. We are, afterall survivors. The book explores Karpman’s dreaded drama triangle (DDT) of human social interaction, featuring the victim, persecutor and rescuer. I have to admit, that book initially took me to my knees and ultimately it set me free. The story is written as a parable. Not only does it illuminate how the DDT plays out in real-life, it thankfully offers a clear path to detach and reclaim the role of creator consciousness. I have most of my clients read it before our coaching relationship and I've training on coaching with The Power of Ted.
The more I began to connect the dots in my own life I realized that this was a human epidemic. Society, the education systems, families and religions have been programming this victim mentality for millenniums. The dreaded drama triangle consists of these three actors: victim, persecutor and rescuer. And, although we may cycle through them, we all have our default role. I am officially a recovering rescuer. Apparently I was working the false believe that everything was my fault and I had to fix it. Rescuers attract victims. It's another hamster wheel.
What was most surprising to learn is that the big three are not necessarily people. They can be people, places or things. For example, a persecutor can be a flat tire, crashed hard drive, or a problem we focus on. When this happens we feel deflated which can trigger unconsciously beliefs that drop us back into victim mentality. The rescuer, by the same token can be whatever resource ones uses to numb and not feel like a victim i.e,. addictions. Sadly it does the opposite of rescuing, it unknowingly reinforces the victim.
Now let’s look at the opposite of the DDT and change victim to creator, persecutor to challenger, rescuer to coach. Victim mentality is anxiety based and problem focused while creator consciousness is passion based and outcome focused. Can you feel the difference? It’s a whole new way of being and shifts your relationship to everything. As creator you are can be responsive versus reactive, solution oriented instead of deflated. You can step out of the drama triangle and change your own brain habits.
Here are some examples of the three archetypes:
The truth is we are all whole, resourceful and capable. It’s the false beliefs we’ve been taught and habitual ways of thinking that tell us all the ways in which we are not worthy of greatness and deserve to be victims. Ultimately each of us is solely responsible for our own self, which for me is the best way to step out of the DDT.
I invite you to look at the ways in which all of these things are at play in your life and remember you are a powerful creator and everything is a choice. You can choose to rearrange the deck chairs on a sinking ship or you can focus on how to make it to safe land. Life is what you make of it and nothing outside of you is going to save you. You are the hero of your own life story. You are amazing beyond belief and so very worthy. The why’s no longer matter. Creators focus on what now and what next. A good next choice may be reading David’s book. After all, you can create the life you’ve always dreamed by heart.